Precious Person

It's not like me to live in fear.

It's not like me to lose the sparkles of morning in the pouring rain.

It's not like me to keep the memories inside the box of memories.

Then why?

Why can't I fall already?

Why can't I leave it be and never return to those times?
Why can't I be like others, all pretty and dolled up, smiling like a plastic bag and feeling like a muddy cloth on the inside?
Why can't I rip my body apart and step away freely?
Why is the world so stereotypical when it comes to me?
Thoughts that never should have crossed my mind are crowded in the same waiting room, patiently taking turns in knocking at my now scratched door, tormenting me with whispers and calls, cries and stupid laughters... That's me on the inside!
A beautiful Kat on the outside...
A beautiful Kat on the inside...
A 90-60-90 Kat...
I don't know if I'm missing out something good, but I still wish. Wish to be beautiful, to be admired, to me loved, to be held, to meet someone to understand me fully! But is there? Someone like that?
Maybe someday and somewhere in the past, a person like that was born only to hold me tight. Me, me, me. There will be only me in his eyes...a precious person I shall be!